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From the books  ...  Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12)


Click the page number or the book cover icon    to view that page in the literature.


1.
  ... family.  BB More About Alcoholism, p.35
This man has a charming wife and family.


2.
  ... family.  BB Into Action, p.79
We thought he ought to be willing to do that if necessary, but if he were in jail he could provide nothing for either family.


3.
  ... family.  BB Working With Others, p.91
When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family.


4.
  ... family.  BB Working With Others, p.91
He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family.


5.
  ... family.  BB Working With Others, p.97
It is not good for him, and it sometimes creates serious complications in a family.


6.
  ... family.  BB Working With Others, p.97
Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family.


7.
  ... family?  BB The Family Afterward, p.128
If he means to right his past wrongs, why all this concern for everyone in the world but his family?


8.
  ... family.  BB A Vision For You, pp.160-161
He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance and his family.


9.
  ... family.  12&12 Step Nine, p.84
But even in these cases, we may need to use a little more discretion than we did with the family.


10.
  ... family.  12&12 Tradition Eight, p.170
A city wanted an experienced social worker who understood what alcohol could do to a family.


11.
  ... family.  12&12 Tradition Ten, p.177
Maybe this sounds as though the alcoholics in A.A. had suddenly gone peaceable, and become one great big happy family.


12.
  ... family also.  BB Working With Others, p.90
This advice is given for his family also.


13.
  ... family (and everyone else) for our troubles.  12&12 Step Nine, p.84
This will be a very different occasion, and in sharp contrast with those hangover mornings when we alternated between reviling ourselves and blaming the family (and everyone else) for our troubles.


14.
  ... family and frankly analyze the past as ...  BB Into Action, p.83
We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them.


15.
  ... family and frequently it is almost the ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.124
The alcoholic's past thus becomes the principal asset of the family and frequently it is almost the only one!


16.
  ... family and friends.  12&12 Step Four, p.43
Going to the extreme, he can become a miser, or even a recluse who denies himself both family and friends.


17.
  ... family, and friends will need to cross-examine ...  12&12 Step Four, pp.51-52
But all alcoholics who have drunk themselves out of jobs, family, and friends will need to cross-examine themselves ruthlessly to determine how their own personality defects have thus demolished their security.


18.
  ... family, and has thoroughly explained to them ...  BB Working With Others, p.98
When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home.


19.
  ... family and himself, and then pulls the ...  BB There Is A Solution, p.21
He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees.


20.
  ... family and home?  12&12 Step Nine, p.86
Are we going to be so rigidly righteous about making amends that we don't care what happens to the family and home?


21.
  ... family and neglect the others.  12&12 Step Eight, p.81
Suppose we lavish attention upon one member of the family and neglect the others.


22.
  ... family and position, to say nothing of ...  BB More About Alcoholism, p.36
Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him.


23.
  ... family and readily admit the damage we ...  12&12 Step Nine, pp.83-84
After coming from our first meeting, or perhaps after we have finished reading the book "Alcoholics Anonymous," we usually want to sit down with some member of the family and readily admit the damage we have done by our drinking.


24.
  ... family and separated him from them?  12&12 Step Three, p.39
And how shall he ever straighten out that awful jam that cost him the affection of his family and separated him from them?


25.
  ... family and take away his means of ...  BB Into Action, p.80
If he opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood.


26.
  ... family, and that he is not trying ...  BB Working With Others, p.96
Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter.


27.
  ... family and the men who would die ...  BB A Vision For You, p.154
But what about his responsibilities -- his family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well, ah -- yes, those other alcoholics?


28.
  ... family are mistaken, though each side may ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.126
Both father and the family are mistaken, though each side may have some justification.


29.
  ... family as he should, he may retreat ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
Instead of treating the family as he should, he may retreat further into himself and feel he has spiritual justification for so doing.


30.
  ... family, asking each morning in meditation that ...  BB Into Action, p.83
So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.


31.
  ... family's attitude towards himself or herself.  BB The Family Afterward, p.122
The alcoholic, his wife, his children, his "in-laws", each one is likely to have fixed ideas about the family's attitude towards himself or herself.


32.
  ... family back.  BB Working With Others, p.99
Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back.


33.
  ... family be at fault in many respects, ...  BB Working With Others, p.98
Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that.


34.
  ... family begins to see his shortcomings and ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.127
As each member of a resentful family begins to see his shortcomings and admits them to the others, he lays a basis for helpful discussion.


35.
  ... family, but we cannot disclose anything to ...  BB Into Action, p.74
It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy.


36.
  ... family by foolishly admitting his plight to ...  BB A Vision For You, p.155
Why, he argued, should he lose the remainder of his business, only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he made his livelihood?


37.
  ... family came back too soon.  BB Working With Others, p.100
We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon.


38.
  ... family can be a bright spot in ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.132
He and his family can be a bright spot in such congregations.


39.
  ... family condemn and criticize.  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
The opposite may happen should the family condemn and criticize.


40.
  Family confidence in dad is rising high.  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
Family confidence in dad is rising high.


41.
  ... family cooperates, dad will soon see that ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
If the family cooperates, dad will soon see that he is suffering from a distortion of values.


42.
  ... family demands that the others concede to ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.122
We find the more one member of the family demands that the others concede to him, the more resentful they become.


43.
  ... family differences, explaining the disinherited son to ...  BB A Vision For You, p.161
Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified -- these are everyday occurrences.


44.
  ... family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to ...  BB To Wives, p.117
These family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to your husband.


45.
  ... family does not fully agree with dad's ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
Though the family does not fully agree with dad's spiritual activities, they should let him have his head.


46.
  ... family, either by a rule of iron ...  12&12 Step Eight, p.81
What happens when we try to dominate the whole family, either by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring of minute directions for just how their lives should be lived from hour to hour?


47.
  ... family embittered and depressed him.  BB We Agnostics, p.56
Business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide -- these calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him.


48.
  ... family expresses a desire to live upon ...  BB Into Action, p.83
Unless one's family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them.


49.
  ... family financially insecure.  12&12 Step Four, p.51
But the alcoholic housewife can also make the family financially insecure.


50.
  ... family find God in a hurry, or ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.128
He may demand that the family find God in a hurry, or exhibit amazing indifference to them and say he is above worldly considerations.


51.
  ... family for whom he had a deep ...  BB More About Alcoholism, p.35
Moreover, he would lose his family for whom he had a deep affection.


52.
  ... family, friends, and society at large that ...  12&12 Step Four, p.53
But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.


53.
  ... family, friends, business, or community we attract ...  12&12 Step Twelve, p.124
When by devoted service to family, friends, business, or community we attract widespread affection and are sometimes singled out for posts of greater responsibility and trust, we try to be humbly grateful and exert ourselves the more in a spirit of love and service.


54.
  ... family, friends, doctors, and clergymen got no ...  12&12 Step Six, p.63
Change of scene, the best efforts of family, friends, doctors, and clergymen got no place with my alcoholism.


55.
  ... family goes on a spiritual basis or ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.135
Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover.


56.
  ... family group and will, if you wish, ...  BB Appendix VI, How to Get in Touch With A.A., p.573
This headquarters will give the location of the nearest family group and will, if you wish, correspond with you about your special problems.


57.
  ... Family Groups by writing to its World ...  BB To Wives (Note), p.121
If there is no Al-Anon listing in your local telephone book, you may obtain further information on Al-Anon/Alateen Family Groups by writing to its World Service Office, 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617.


58.
  ... Family Groups, composed largely of the wives, ...  BB Appendix VI, How to Get in Touch With A.A., p.573
This is a world clearing house for the Al-Anon Family Groups, composed largely of the wives, husbands and friends of A.A. members.


59.
  ... Family Groups, Inc., 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, ...  BB Appendix VI, How to Get in Touch With A.A., p.573
Should you be the relative or friend of an alcoholic who shows no immediate interest in A.A., it is suggested that you write the Al-Anon Family Groups, Inc., 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23456, USA.


60.
  ... Family Groups. Not a part of A.A., ...  12&12 Step Twelve (Note), p.118
(*) In adapted form, the Steps are also used by Al-Anon Family Groups. Not a part of A.A., this worldwide fellowship consists of spouses and other relatives or friends of alcoholics (in A.A. or still drinking). Its headquarters address is 1600 Corporate Landing Pkwy, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617.


61.
  ... Family Groups was formed about thirteen years ...  BB To Wives (Note), p.121
(*) The fellowship of Al-Anon Family Groups was formed about thirteen years after this chapter was written. Though it is entirely separate from Alcoholics Anonymous, it uses the general principles of the A.A. program as a guide for husbands, wives, relatives, friends and others close to alcoholics. The foregoing pages (though addressed only to wives) indicate the problems such people may face. Alateen, for teen-aged children of alcoholics, is a part of Al-Anon.


62.
  ... family had been reunited; he extolled the ...  12&12 Tradition Three, p.143
He paid a fine tribute to the Fellowship; he told how his family had been reunited; he extolled the virtue of honesty; he recalled the joys of Twelfth Step work; and then he lowered the boom.


63.
  ... family has no religious connections, they may ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.131
Though the family has no religious connections, they may wish to make contact with or take membership in a religious body.


64.
  ... family has spiritual convictions or not, they ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.130
One more suggestion: Whether the family has spiritual convictions or not, they may do well to examine the principles by which the alcoholic member is trying to live.


65.
  ... family how that was accomplished.  BB Working With Others, p.100
If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomer's family how that was accomplished.


66.
  ... family hysterically plead with him to do ...  BB Working With Others, p.90
Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you.


67.
  ... family, in the light of their own ...  BB Working With Others, p.103
We feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves.


68.
  ... family into a spiritual way of living, ...  BB A Vision For You, p.159
They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort to bring the man's family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering.


69.
  ... family is going to play an effective ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.131
At the very beginning, the couple ought to frankly face the fact that each will have to yield here and there if the family is going to play an effective part in the new life.


70.
  ... family is mystified.  BB The Family Afterward, p.126
The family is mystified.


71.
  ... family is reunited, alcohol is no longer ...  BB To Wives, p.119
After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your husband are working together toward an undreamed-of future.


72.
  ... family is sure to be great.  BB Working With Others, p.99
If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a man's family is sure to be great.


73.
  ... family is, to some extent, ill."  BB The Family Afterward, p.122
The entire family is, to some extent, ill."


74.
  ... family, it is well to let him ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
Even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as he likes in helping other alcoholics.


75.
  ... family, leave them out of the first ...  BB Working With Others, p.91
Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion.


76.
  ... family life.  12&12 Step Four, p.44
These people often throw to the winds every chance for legitimate security and a happy family life.


77.
  ... family life?  12&12 Step Twelve, p.120
And what can be said of many A.A. members who, for a variety of reasons, cannot have a family life?


78.
  ... family life brought about by years of ...  12&12 Step Twelve, p.117
To a surprising extent, A.A. has offset the damage to family life brought about by years of alcoholism.


79.
  ... family life rather than give?  BB The Family Afterward, p.122
Is he not unconsciously trying to see what he can take from the family life rather than give?


80.
  ... family lives that we bring to our ...  12&12 Step Twelve, pp.111-112
Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group?


81.
  ... family lives we happen to be miserly, ...  12&12 Step Eight, p.81
Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly, irresponsible, callous, or cold.


82.
  ... family may be possessed by the idea ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
The family may be possessed by the idea that future happiness can be based only upon forgetfulness of the past.


83.
  ... family may be unhappy.  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
Today's life is measured against that of other years and, when it falls short, the family may be unhappy.


84.
  ... family may feel they hold a mortgage ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.131
The family may feel they hold a mortgage on dad, so big that no equity should be left for outsiders.


85.
  ... family may look at their strange new ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.128
As soon as his sobriety begins to be taken as a matter of course, the family may look at their strange new dad with apprehension, then with irritation.


86.
  ... family may object to this, but unless ...  BB Working With Others, p.90
The family may object to this, but unless he is in a dangerous physical condition, it is better to risk it.


87.
  ... family may react unfavorably.  BB The Family Afterward, p.128
When father takes this tack, the family may react unfavorably.


88.
  ... family may see their own defects and ...  BB Working With Others, p.99
Little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them.


89.
  ... family men and women.  12&12 Step Twelve, p.120
Free of marital responsibilities, they can participate in enterprises which would be denied to family men and women.


90.
  ... family must decide these things.  BB Working With Others, p.90
The family must decide these things.


91.
  ... family must realize that dad, though marvelously ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.127
The family must realize that dad, though marvelously improved, is still convalescing.


92.
  ... family needs your help.  BB Working With Others, p.90
Don't deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help.


93.
  ... family obligations may not be so perfect ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
He will perceive that his spiritual growth is lopsided, that for an average man like himself, a spiritual life which does not include his family obligations may not be so perfect after all.


94.
  ... family of an alcoholic longs for the ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
The family of an alcoholic longs for the return of happiness and security.


95.
  ... family or a friend ask him if ...  BB Working With Others, p.90
Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so.


96.
  ... family or creditors of money they should ...  BB Working With Others, p.96
But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have.


97.
  ... family persists in criticism, this fallacy may ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
If the family persists in criticism, this fallacy may take a still greater hold on father.


98.
  ... family play together or separately, as much ...  BB The Family Afterward, pp.132-133
So let each family play together or separately, as much as their circumstances warrant.


99.
  ... family present the book.  BB To Wives, p.113
In some cases it may be better to let someone outside the family present the book.


100.
  ... family problems will arise.  BB The Family Afterward, p.126
In either case certain family problems will arise.


101.
  ... family properly?  12&12 Step Four, p.51
Was I a pinchpenny, refusing to support my family properly?


102.
  ... family satisfactions -- all these have to be ...  12&12 Step Twelve, p.114
Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power, for romance, and for family satisfactions -- all these have to be tempered and redirected.


103.
  ... family should be offered your way of ...  BB Working With Others, p.97
The family should be offered your way of life.


104.
  ... family should meet upon the common ground ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.122
All members of the family should meet upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding and love.


105.
  ... family should not try to tell your ...  BB Working With Others, p.91
Usually the family should not try to tell your story.


106.
  ... family should watch such matters carefully, for ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.125
Members of a family should watch such matters carefully, for one careless, inconsiderate remark has been known to raise the very devil.


107.
  ... family show to his liking?  BB The Family Afterward, p.122
Is not each trying to arrange the family show to his liking?


108.
  ... family talks will be constructive if they ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.127
These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism.


109.
  ... family that he has been a very ...  BB Working With Others, p.100
But urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly.


110.
  ... family, these vagaries of dad's spiritual infancy ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
In the midst of an understanding and sympathetic family, these vagaries of dad's spiritual infancy will quickly disappear.


111.
  ... family, to be a friend among friends, ...  12&12 Step Four, p.53
We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.


112.
  ... family to know immediately what he was ...  12&12 Tradition Twelve, p.185
As a rule, the average newcomer wanted his family to know immediately what he was trying to do.


113.
  ... family trousers.  BB The Family Afterward, p.131
Thus mother, through no fault of her own, became accustomed to wearing the family trousers.


114.
  ... family was re-assembled, and he began to ...  BB More About Alcoholism, p.35
His family was re-assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking.


115.
  ... family watches for these tendencies in each ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.131
This means trouble, unless the family watches for these tendencies in each other and comes to a friendly agreement about them.


116.
  ... family, went to bed.  12&12 Tradition Three, p.144
About two weeks later, Ed stole by night into an A.A. member's house and, unknown to the family, went to bed.


117.
  ... family which has been relieved owes something ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.124
We think each family which has been relieved owes something to those who have not, and when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes, no matter how grievous, out of their hiding places.


118.
  ... family will admire him for what he ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
But the wise family will admire him for what he is trying to be, rather than for what he is trying to get.


119.
  ... family will appreciate that dad's current behavior ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.129
If the family will appreciate that dad's current behavior is but a phase of his development, all will be well.


120.
  ... family will be affected also, pleasantly at ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.126
The family will be affected also, pleasantly at first, as they feel their money troubles are about to be solved, then not so pleasantly as they find themselves neglected.


121.
  ... family will be plagued by spectres from ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
Now and then the family will be plagued by spectres from the past, for the drinking career of almost every alcoholic has been marked by escapades, funny, humiliating, shameful or tragic.


122.
  ... family will find life more bearable.  BB Working With Others, p.97
And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable.


123.
  ... family will meet; suppose we suggest how ...  BB The Family Afterward, p.123
Suppose we tell you some of the obstacles a family will meet; suppose we suggest how they may be avoided -- even converted to good use for others.


124.
  ... family will perhaps want to go along.  BB Working With Others, p.99
After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go along.


125.
  ... family will recover.  BB Working With Others, p.97
Should they accept and practice spiritual principles, there is a much better chance that the head of the family will recover.


126.
  ... family would like him to be.  BB The Family Afterward, p.126
If not irritable, he may seem dull and boring, not gay and affectionate as the family would like him to be.


127.
  ... family, you should take care not to ...  BB Working With Others, p.100
When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels.


The 164 and More™ Book, eBook, and Web Site are all CONCORDANCES which display passages from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous, the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and the A.A. Grapevine (A.A. Preamble only).  Sorting and rendering passages in the proprietary format of the 164 and More concordance does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc., or the A.A. Grapevine, Inc.  Further A.A.W.S. Inc. and the A.A. Grapevine Inc. have no objection to the use of this material in the 164 and More concordance.

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