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From the books ... Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12)
Click the page number or the book cover icon
to view that page in the literature.1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Psychiatrists and psychologists point out the deep need every human being has for practical insight and knowledge of his own personality flaws and for a
discussion of them with an understanding and trustworthy person.
9.
10.
11.
12.
We wives found that, like everybody else, we were afflicted with
pride, self-pity, vanity and all the things which go to make up the self-centered person; and we were not above selfishness or dishonesty.
13.
14.
Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves
with someone, it may be one is
so situated that there is no
suitable person available.
15.
We have already admitted
this in confidence to another person, but we are sure we would be imprisoned
or lose our job if it were known.
16.
This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
17.
Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has
already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not.
18.
He goes on to explain that any person capable of enough willingness and honesty
to try repeatedly Step Six on all his faults -- without any reservations whatever -- has indeed come a long way spiritually, and is therefore entitled to be
called a man who is sincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of his own Creator.
19.
But if no such opportunity presents itself, at some point we will want to summon all our courage, head straight for the person concerned, and lay our cards on the table.
20.
Or, the person concerned
not being present, we thought we were helping others to understand him,
when in actuality our true
motive was to feel superior by pulling him down.
21.
So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turn his will and his life over to the Higher Power?
22.
It was then discovered that when one alcoholic had planted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady, that
person could never be the same again.
23.
Then we saw that if a hardworking secretary
answered the phone dozens of times a day, listened to twenty wailing wives, arranged hospitalization and got
sponsorship for ten newcomers, and was gently diplomatic with the irate drunk who complained about
the job she was doing and how
she was overpaid, then such
a person could surely not be
called a professional
A.A.
24.
25.
Perhaps we shall need to share with this person facts about ourselves which no others ought to know.
26.
27.
One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year.
28.
How frequently we see a frightened human being determined to depend completely upon a stronger person for guidance and protection.
29.
Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God's will for the person for whom we pray.
30.
31.
Though not a religious
person, I have profound respect for the spiritual
approach in such cases as yours.
32.
33.
34.
He trembled as he went
about, for this might mean ruin,
particularly to a person
in his line of business.
35.
36.
37.
Though a situation had
not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely.
38.
39.
Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.
40.
41.
The benefit of talking to
another person is that we can
get his direct comment and counsel on our situation, and there can be no
doubt in our minds what that
advice is.
42.
When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and
with God.
43.
44.
45.
46.
If there is any indication
that he wants to stop, have a
good talk with the person most interested in him --
usually his wife.
47.
48.
49.
Rightly and naturally,
we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step.
50.
The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive.
51.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
52.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
53.
54.
55.
56.
For example, we may set our hearts on getting a particular person sobered up, and after doing all we can for months, we see him relapse.
57.
We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser.
58.
Another principle we observe carefully is that
we do not relate intimate
experiences of another
person unless we are sure he would approve.
59.
60.
Every normal person wants, for example, to eat, to reproduce, to be somebody
in the society of his fellows.
61.
62.
We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves
with another person when we
see good reasons why we should do so.
63.
To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
64.
65.
(*) Written in 1939, when
there were few women in A.A., this chapter assumes that the alcoholic
in the home is likely to be
the husband. But many of the
suggestions given here may be adapted to help the person who lives with a woman alcoholic -- whether she is
still drinking or is recovering in A.A. A further source of help is noted on page 121.
66.
On the other hand -- and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand
-- once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of
ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only
effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
67.
68.
A worthy charity wants to raise money; forthwith, its letterhead shows the name of every distinguished person whose support can be obtained.
69.
Dad may feel that for years his drinking has placed him on the wrong side of every argument, but that now he has become a superior person with God on his side.
70.
Say that you believe he is a
gravely ill person, with this qualification -- being perhaps fatally ill, does he want to get well?
71.
When dealing with such a
person, you had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles.
72.
When you have carefully explained to such people that he is a sick person, you will have created a new atmosphere.
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Alcoholics Anonymous, the
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