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From the books ... Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12)
Click the page number or the book cover icon
to view that page in the literature.1.
Even the chief architect, standing in the
ruins of his dream, could laugh at himself -- and that is
the very acme of humility.
2.
3.
4.
5.
When an A.A. talks for money, whether at a meeting or to a single newcomer, it can have a very bad effect on him, too.
6.
7.
Wishing to be polite, though I felt very badly, I said, "Let's make the call," and extracted from my wife a promise that we would not stay
over fifteen minutes.
8.
As by some deep instinct, we
A.A.'s have known from the very beginning that we must never, no matter what the provocation, publicly take sides in any fight, even a worthy one.
9.
At the very beginning, the
couple ought to frankly face the fact that each will have to yield here and there if the family is
going to play an effective part in the new life.
10.
11.
The key words "entirely ready" underline the fact that we want to aim at the very best we know or can learn.
12.
13.
14.
We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them.
15.
They will tell how they tried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of irritability, anxiety,
remorse, and depression; and how, unconsciously seeking
relief, they would sometimes accuse even their best friends of the very character defects they themselves were trying to
conceal.
16.
So in a very complete and literal way, all A.A.'s have "become entirely ready" to have God remove the mania for alcohol from their lives.
17.
Even though your protégé may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become
very curious to know how you got well.
18.
19.
By this time I was beginning to pay very dearly physically and, in hope of relief, voluntarily incarcerated myself at least a dozen times in one of the local sanitariums.
20.
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness.
21.
To these it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to
reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned
with.
22.
We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser.
23.
These very deviations created a vast process of trial and error which, under the grace of God, has brought us to where we stand today.
24.
Members of a family should
watch such matters carefully, for one careless, inconsiderate remark has
been known to raise the very devil.
25.
26.
This will be a very different occasion, and in
sharp contrast with those hangover mornings when we alternated between reviling ourselves and blaming the family (and everyone else) for our troubles.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
Very earnestly we ask the press also, to observe this request, for otherwise we
shall be greatly handicapped.
34.
35.
All this should be very encouraging news for those who recoil from prayer because they don't believe in it, or because
they feel themselves cut off from God's help and direction.
36.
37.
38.
39.
This has always been so obvious that only a very few A.A.'s have ever worked the Twelfth Step for a fee.
40.
When the Washingtonians became temperance crusaders, within a very few years
they had completely lost
their effectiveness in helping alcoholics.
41.
This much could be a fragment of what is called meditation, perhaps our
very first attempt at a mood, a flier into the realm of spirit, if you like.
42.
43.
When I got the fog out of my brain, I decided that quitting school was very foolish and that I had better
return and continue my work.
44.
This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a rebellious alcoholic to
conclude that dependence of any sort must be intolerably damaging.
45.
For this reason, some very good causes and all connected with them suffered unjust criticism from A.A. groups.
46.
This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that while his religious convictions
were very good, in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.
47.
More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism
and by attendance at a few
meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented,
useful life.
48.
49.
50.
Very gradually, and usually without any realization of the fact, the wife is forced to become the mother of an erring boy.
51.
52.
A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such disturbances can be of very
great help in quieting stormy emotions.
53.
This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one,
was felt at once.
54.
If you and your husband find
a solution for the pressing problem of drink you are, of course, going to be very happy.
55.
56.
Where people had temporarily let us run their lives as though they were still children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves.
57.
58.
59.
60.
Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job --
wife or no wife -- we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
61.
We had refused to learn the
very hard lesson that overdependence upon people is unsuccessful because all people are fallible, and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our demands for attention become unreasonable.
62.
They spoke with great freedom from embarrassment, which I could never do, and they seemed very much at ease on all occasions and appeared very healthy.
63.
64.
We may still have no very high opinion of humility as a desirable personal virtue, but we do recognize
it as a necessary aid to our
survival.
65.
It is worth noting that people of very high spiritual development almost always insist on checking with friends or spiritual advisers the guidance they feel they have received from God.
66.
As we lay aside these very human aspirations, we believe
that each of us takes part in the weaving of a protective mantle which covers our whole Society and under which we may
grow and work in unity.
67.
68.
69.
70.
71.
72.
73.
Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization
for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged.
74.
75.
76.
At the very least, we shall have to come to grips with some of our worst character defects and take action toward their removal as quickly as we can.
77.
78.
Another feeling we are
very likely to entertain is one of resentment that love and loyalty could not cure our husbands of alcoholism.
79.
This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
80.
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we
may help meet their needs.
81.
82.
But this was a man who had experienced many years of frightful drinking, who had had most all the drunkard's experiences
known to man, but who had been
cured by the very means I had been trying to employ, that is to say the spiritual approach.
83.
But long ago, trustees and staff members alike found they could do no more than make suggestions, and very mild ones at that.
84.
They spoke with great freedom from embarrassment, which I could never do, and they seemed very much at ease on all occasions and appeared very healthy.
85.
I learned that it was something of a spiritual
nature, which did not appeal
to me very much, but I thought it could do no harm.
86.
87.
88.
There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the
very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all.
89.
90.
91.
It is plain for everybody
to see that each sober A.A. member has been granted a release from this very obstinate and potentially fatal obsession.
92.
Dr. Harry M. Tiebout, psychiatrist:
"As a psychiatrist, I have thought a great deal about the relationship
of my specialty to A.A. and I
have come to the conclusion that our particular function can
very often lie in preparing the way for the patient to accept any sort of treatment or outside help.
93.
94.
The very practical approach to his problems,
the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the
genuine democracy, the
uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.
95.
Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well.
96.
97.
This is not a moral inventory at all; it is the very process by which the depressive has so often been
led to the bottle and extinction.
98.
99.
In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he
has laid hold of a source of strength which, in
one way or another, he had hitherto denied himself.
100.
A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is
married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him.
101.
102.
He consented, however, to go
to the hospital, where he occupied the very room recently vacated by the lawyer.
103.
104.
On the other hand -- and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand
-- once a psychic change has occurred, the
very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of
ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only
effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
105.
During the subsequent fifteen years I had sense enough never to go to the hospital if I had been drinking, and very seldom did I receive patients.
106.
107.
In either case, the group now has a so-called rotating committee, very sharply limited in its authority.
108.
109.
110.
111.
But in relation to us, it means very simply that every A.A. group can manage its affairs exactly as it pleases, except when A.A. as a whole is threatened.
112.
I used to promise my wife, my friends, and my children that I would drink no more -- promises which seldom kept me sober even through the day, though I was very sincere when I made them.
113.
As beginners in meditation, we might now reread this prayer several times very slowly, savoring every word and trying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea.
114.
Very soon, though, his assumed authority to run everything begins to be shared with the first alcoholics he has helped.
115.
116.
For the readiness to take
the full consequences of
our past acts, and to take responsibility for
the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.
117.
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from
the very start.
118.
119.
120.
121.
After the husband joins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highly resentful that Alcoholics Anonymous has
done the very thing that all her years of devotion had failed to do.
122.
Self-righteousness, the
very thing that we had contemptuously condemned in others, was our
own besetting evil.
123.
Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now.
124.
Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such action is warranted.
125.
126.
127.
When alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations may
develop which work against marriage partnership and compatible union.
128.
129.
130.
If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play
God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.
131.
We've repeatedly strained the patience of
our best friends to a snapping point, and have brought out the very worst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with.
132.
While we may be quite willing to reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember that we cannot buy our
own peace of mind at the expense of others.
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